NEW MOON JASPER MAKES ME SWOON!

That is right y'all the time has come to get New Moon tickets!!!!! I can not wait to see Jasper up there on the big screen again!!! He is so fine and all mine ladies!! Hands off!!!! I just love his expressions!! He says so much with a look and so funny!! OMG talk about the perfect package! (not in a perverted way...SICK)I bought my ticks for the big event already!! This is not a competition but I am so fast at purchasing tickets y'all!!! I am going with some of my best in the west besties!!! We are going to do this right by wating in line with our starbies non-mocha bevies while discussing hot topics!!! How gross is Jacob by the way!! Who would be interested in a wolf??? So completely icky!!! I mean you might as well be dating Teen Wolf!! Actually Teen Wolf may be better cause he had basketball skillz and jocks are totally hot!!! See you there byotches!!!!!

BOOOOOOOOOO

...NO NO NO, dont be scared! Its not a ghost! Its just me, Earlier! PHew!!! Sorry if I scared you! But this brings me to the order of biz. People have been doing some major gobbling and asking if "Earlier Limn" is a ghost writer. Let's just clear the air, I hate blasphemy... I like to consider myself a bedazzled mouthpiece of sorts shared by two besties! So let me swivel the interrogation lamp into your face, and pose a question. Whats 'Real' anyway?!?! I'll tell you whats not real----- REALITY TV! What a bunch of discarded period panties! The "AHA" moment for me was when I was emotionally submersed in the first season of Paris Hilton's my New Bff (the brain child of none other than Paris herself). I seriously was crying right along with Bikini Cory. If you missed her closing remarks you really need to watch it here

--> http://jezebel.com/5084514/bff-im-known-as-bikini-cory-because-i-earned-it

Um, Cory, I can relate to you over here! I might as well be known as "Monokini Earlier"!! I was monokeening poolside eons before Target started pandering their knock off in a hideous splatter-paint version! Now when I wear my monokini it just feels cheap and dirty.

In the meantime, I was all over the Internet fan sites posting comment after comment about the injustice of Cory being TTYN'd! She was racially profiled! She was born into beauty and she is harboring some major collatoral - her mole..I mean face! Only a savage would not feel for her. Well, imagine my surprise when I found out that "natural beauty" Cory has had THREE plastic surgeries. The humanity. Ever since, I have found it hard to trust reality programming.

Side note, I'm really into "Dance your A Off" right now! Alicia has the energy of a bear and will claw her way to the top!

All in all, I may be imaginary, but that doesn't make me any less real from the majority of people you come in contact with everyday. You may run across many self-proclaimed natural beautys, but reverse all the day spa procedures and Bare Minerals makeup and they are all sorts of fugly!!!

TTYL! Earl

Gemini

So I totally have to let you all in on a serious case of mistaken identity. Last night I am strutting San Tan mall in my new Betty Johnson platform booties, totally sending out the vibe to some emo guys until I made a quick exit into Buckle because I noticed one of the guys and I were wearing the same target skinny jeans..only his were smaller...meanwhile I catch a glance at myself in the mirror window and am taken aback because my $100 Mac makeup is sweating down my face and I honestly looked like a bad case of Boy George circa "promoting his gay play, Taboo".........




















...I was truly looking hanus.


So I am totally off the subject! So inside Buckle I see this redhead with a medium length bob looking at some vintage style peasant tops and I realize it's my friend Morgan. So I'm all "hey Morgan". The girl turns around she wasn't Morgan...not even close. How totally racist of me!! I had totally 'Henry Louis Gates Jr-d' her redheaded A! I didn't think I categorized reds! Honestly, it kind of freaks me out that the carpet matches the drapes, but I don't think that makes me a bad person. I honestly pride myself on not giving into stereotypes. I mean I have a friend that is 1/2 Chinese, for Lady Gaga's sake!! Anyway, the injustice was totally written all over her freckled face and I knew I had to recover. I attempted to say "Sorry, I thought you were my friend Morgan because you both care your weight in your middle"...but when I said Sorry...I was so flustered that I gleeked on her arm. At that point I just turned around and left trying not to trip on the mat on my way out. So I learned alot from that experience. Also...in hindsight, i should have known it wasn't Morgan because she never would have been looking in the bohemian section since she is totally 80's rebel yell right now!

I guess you live and you learn ya'll. But it really all comes back to the gospel. It's weird how that works. Well I'm out! Catch you on the flipside!!!

Freindzzz!!!

HEY Y'ALL!! I am totally lovin this blogtastic lifestyle! What a super fun way to make new friends and meet new peeps! Thanks to all my new blog bffs for visiting me and makin some commentary! Totally awesome guys! I am living a crazy life right now,as Ricky martin so nicely put it "livin la vida loca" Call me crazy but i still heart that song! It never goes out of style in my book! Thanks Ricky! Anywho,there is sooo much going on! I wish I could document it all through photagraphy and post cool pics,but my cam is still down and out!! Super bummer cause i am all about being a photag!!! Short post today Y'all,got to go hang with my girls! Nannying is like the best and uber rewarding!!!

Sandy does it again

Hey Y'all I know it has been some time since my last post. Please forgive!! I have been running rampid with all my nanny diary duties! I mean don't get me wrong,i am totally hearting my job right now. I guess I am just missing out on some single girl-girls just wanna have fun moments! Cyndi Lauper got it right y'all. She is a total 80s icon. I have been soooo bizayy with my career, that I need to just take some time out for Earlier. The first step is for me to join in again on those singles mingles activities! Seriously how fun are those! You usually get to do some fabu dancing ,chatting, and not to mention some delicious boy eye candy to boot!!! Lovin it!! Cause I need myself a boy right now! Makes life so much more fun right! Speaking of romance, have you guys seen the "Proposal" Featuring sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds?!?! Omg! so amazing! I love sandy bullock and she oops I did it again without the oops! Check it out,you will not be asking for your money back! That is all for now! stay tuned blogaholics!!!


Earlier

Ballad of Earlier and DDP

Oh vile and loathsome diet dr pepper...you have encapsulated mine heart in a choke hold and i doth repeatedly surcomb to thy illicit temptations. Despite my most noble efforts, mine lowliest desires surface and vivid memories doth flood back into mine mind of happier times together and secret midnight meetings! Oh, i shall surely be thrust down to hell, with these charges brought against me. For I have been convorting with the devil.... as such is THEE. But it tis thee, oh sweet nectar, who doth masquerade innocently about, who shouldth be plunged to outer darkness! Oh, how I wish for this affliction to be lifted from my weary shoulders....

but then again...

do I?

For when I'm not with you

I think of you.

shades of green

Has anyone else noticed how 'Going green' has become bigger then Obama?!?!  I'm going to try to blogulate a complaint, so please don't get me wrong.  Quite honestly, I'm so pro-green, my tears are chartreuse.  I make a concerted effort to always wear my Hot Topic 85% organic tote with the inscription, "Kermit, the earth called and is sueing you for slander.  It IS easy being green!"  Someone should tell Jim Henson that Kermit called and he needs a throat lozenge and a PC update!  That was so mean, i'm sorry.  You are probably thinking, "Earlier, your manners called and are sick of the neglect!"

  Back to going green, I've had a disgustingly hard time with this whole 'ride your car less' proposal.  I really tried to make significant sacrifices for the world's sake when I bought my car.  I had my eye on getting a Chevy Tahoe, and I settled on  a Kia Sedona.  See, I am totally trying to do my part for the environment, as well for the Asian car companies that are struggling in this tough economy.  I'm really not trying to complain but it was really hard on my 'deep seeded need to please' bone when I'm being told I haven't done enough.  But I totally understand and I got over myself, rewatched 'March of the Peguins', and refocused my energys on saving our precious earth, ya'll!!!   

I took the better part of the day coming up with a list of ways I can contribute to this noble cause.  Here's what I've come up with:

1. I'm going to park furthur away from school and then "heely" the remaining distance.  Of course, I'll make sure my Hot Topic tote is strategically worn for maximum impact. 

2.  I'm going to start using Suave instead of my salon shampoo.

3.  Take the stairs instead of the escalator

4.  Use flourescent light bulbs, which is sort of selfish too, since the glow totally compliments my air-brushed tan.  Seriously the best $30 you will ever spend!!!

I think that's a good start.  I am up for any suggestions that you may have, because i really want to do anything I can to help turn this earth around.  In case you were wondering, I did give Sheryl Crow's 'one square' suggestion a full week.  I probably saved close to like 1/2 an oak tree, which is really all you can ask from one person!?! 

latest

Hello!!!!!!!  Man o man, so much has been happening in my life I haven't even been able to keep up with the Kardashians!!  Seriously though, Khloe, I don't care what OK mag says, you are the healthy unsaturated fat, girl!  I'm a healthy size 10 and living it up!!!  

Do you ever feel like your life just doesn't seem to give in this whole "give and take" scenario?!?  If you answered yes, then we have so much in common right now!  It's totally no BD that my life is crazy with a K!!  I love being a nanny and I feel so lucky to be around such amazing little girls, but Oprah is totally right when she said being a mom is the toughest job.  And even though she doesn't have children, she does have dogs, and they are like 1 in human years their entire lives!  hello... I think dog moms have the tougher job!!  My point is this, being a nanny is totally rewarding but definitly has it hard times.  My girls both have this fiery red hair that is a total metaphor for their inner selves.  If you didn't know I was their nanny, you'd think I was their half sister and we beat the odds of having different dads and have developed a great relationship and we call ourselves the three amigos and do fashion shows and stuff. 

Like most of you know, since I talk about my Holga camera all the time, i have been creating a veritable storm with all the pictures I have been taking!  My brand new Holga camera is broken and I was all amped up on becoming the latest and greatest photog!!  I have been putting my name out there hoping to reel in a few fish.  It's coming along slowly, but I am 150% postive that I can be a successful photographer on the side.  I did a photo session with my neighbor yesterday and it was so serious!  I was really nervous, but tried to be as professional as possible and didn't let it slip that the only other photo shoot I've had was with my grandma and her bingo posie!  But to my credit, that was one tough group to get to crack a smile and I had a 77% success ratio.  So in your face, Contempo Portraits!!!!!  

I made it!!!!

phew!!!  it has taken me over 2 months to get the courage to start my own blogopolis!!!  My palms are sweating so bad I can barely hold my Jamba Juice...I'm so nervous.  so all my peeps can start raising the rooooouuuuuufffffff!!!!!  

anywho, so I'm sitting in pysch class yesterday and my Fessor is droning on about egos and superegos, yadda yadda yadda.  So I'm thinking how the subject totally is not sinking in AT ALL!  Later that day I'm parusing the aisles at F21 and I have like a vw bug full of clothes in my arms, and I see a dozen or so employees, aka people that get paid $7.50 an hour to judge you while you walk around the store, see me struggling with my load and they just turn a blind eye.  Not one of them offered to start a room for me....what....the....crappola!!!!!   I seriously wanted to choke them with a buffalo plaid scarf!  Freud has nothing on these girls, there egos were trinormously bigger then his!  So I had a sit on the plastic orange sofa and I said, "self, who really has the superego here?"  and guess what the answer was?  ....earlier.  that's right, it was me. all. along.  

My parents should be happy to know that their money is being well spent on my education, because I'm getting it.  I'm getting it suckas!!!!